Military Uniform Store

What is your opinion on my comedy bits?

Fat People - Our country is so incredibly fat. Like in stores when they use the little automatic carts that you sit on and they drive you around i feel sorry for the carts they have to carry around 400 pounds of person while the people get more food to get fatter. You know its sad when people dont even have to burn calories walking to the food they will soon devour. Sometimes i will be with a friend and they will be all like "wow check out that beefcake, it looks like they eat a lot of mcdonalds," and i will be all like "it looks like they eat a lot of people that eat mcdonalds," some of these people seriously look like they havent even looked at a vegtable since 1986 i mean seriously. The Military - I would probably be about the worst soldier on the face of the planet. First of all i hate standing up straight. Second those uniforms look like they would be insanely hot. Another problem with the military lots of men i want some women, and most of the army women look like men anyway so thats not gonna fly. Last thing is the whole possibility of getting killed. If some dude asked me to charge a hill with people that want to kill me on top of it i would look at him and be like "what are you fuckin retarded if you want that hill so bad you go on your own merry way and take it." But hey to each their own. Baseball - I think that baseball has to be about the least evolved sport in existense. I mean it hasn't changed since about year 9. The whole sport is literally people trying to hit a rock with a club. This is what cavemen did when there were no mastadons to hunt. They would be like "oh man today blows no mastadons...wanna go play clubrock," Its also about the most boring sport ever it always takes the throwing dude like a whole minute to throw the ball and the hitting dude only hits the ball about 1 in 7 tries so something worth watching happens about every seven minutes. I mean come on right. Work - Alright i stock shelves at a grocery store right, and its pretty terrible. But everyday i just tell myself at least i dont work at Deri Queen where i would have to serve people like me, who are terrible. And the deri Queen prolly think "man at least i don't work at hardees, at least im not 42 have no front teeth, and smell like curly fries for a living," im trying to find out what the hardees people tell themselves. is it like "wow at least i wasn't a soldior in the holocaust, that would probably be worse than hardees," or like "at least i dont have to clean the seats at a strip club after lap dances, at least fry grease is better than semen." who knows. Dumb People - At the grocery store i work at my most hated part of my job is answering people's increasingly stupid questions. Like this one guy came up to me, and literally asked me "Uh yeah do you guys have bread," and in my head im thinking are you shitting me right now? of course we have bread, have you ever heard of a fuckin breadless grocery store, thats like a prostitute without a vagina it just doesn't happen. We have a whole wall devoted to bread which is about as hard to find as AIDS in africa. But i have to be polite and say "yes we do sir it is in aisle 14 would you like assisstance finding it?" that just put me in a bad mood for about a month.

Public Comments

1. I am kinda with you on that military bit & the dumb people one too, they funny to me... keep going